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so what if I’m not

ugly duckling, a serenade to the season

A heavy fog weighs down on the mountaintops, yet the haze on the horizon is only half as concealing as the changes whirling in front of our eyes. Autumn has arrived, and the time has come for another serenade of the seasons. A fall night wind murmurs secrets of the season’s change, and we begin to seek comforts of a darker palette, a tighter hold, and whispers by a fire. Our deepest instincts urge us to be prepared, guarded and protected ourselves from the cold that is to come. We should be seeking comfort, but what if I’m not?

walls in our lives

Walls are often as dangerous as what they were built to protect, and the comforts of a fire can just as quickly burn you with a single touch of the flame. Life is unpredictable. And no matter how much we may focus on the preparation of safekeeping, the irony is that these measures make us no safer than we were before. Instead, they instill a false sense of security, create a crutch and make us shut down all of those things inside of us that we were so eager to protect in the first place. We should be seeking a fortress, but what if I’m not?

When we waver alone as the storm blows in, the power of numbers is lost. There are some things we may not be strong enough to withstand alone. A tribe of comrades provides encouragement, happiness and support in our times of need, so that when one falters, the others are there to hold us up. They reinforce our walls, help us to stand, and create a defense against impending cataclysms. They make us feel loved, wanted and safe. We should be seeking strength in numbers, but what if I’m not?

freedom of independent lifestyles

Without the power of comfort, a fortress of walls and the strength in numbers, we are left to rely on ourselves. Security comes from the ability to live day-to-day, unaltered by the season’s changes and blows. We then become the rulers of the change itself, wielding the power of the storms to our own will in the cold the fall night. We embrace the change, and channel it directionally like the ballast of a ship crafted to whether the storm. Be your change; take control of your season.

“As far as I can tell, it’s kinda crazy
That you even care at all

Convincing everybody you can save me
But you’re the one who made me fall

So what if I’m not
So what if I’m not everything you wanted me to be?

So what if I am
So what if I am more than you can see?

When you treat me like that, when you treat me like that
It’s pushin’ me harder, it’s pushin’ me harder

When you breakin’ my back, when you breakin’ my back
I only get stronger, I only get stronger

I should’ve walked away one year ago
When you said I couldn’t make it out alive

When you treat me like that, when you treat me like that
I only get stronger, I only get stronger

When you treat me like that
Why you wanna see me bleed?

Why you wanna watch me fall apart?
Try to find the worst in me

But I won’t follow you into the dark”

– Like That by Brea Miller

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